The noise in our minds can be deafening. We don’t even recognize the cacophony most of the time, unless we stop and pay attention to it. But the stories and the comments that comprise this ceaseless soundtrack are affecting us anyway, whether or not we are actively listening.
A friend and I were talking about this tonight, in a roundabout sort of way. We were lamenting the fact that although both of us know the untruth of our respective body images, we still find that we berate ourselves for missing a workout, eating too much pizza, gaining the inevitable pounds that come with middle age. My friend, a dietician, said that she subscribed to a women’s “health” magazine recently, only to discover that its cover regularly featured super-skinny actresses who, no doubt, have personal trainers and chefs who make their svelte figures possible. I chimed in that virtually everything we see and hear reminds us women that we should be thin, sexy, perfect partners, super mothers, expert cooks, accomplished socializers, successfully employed and still have time to work out regularly. Women’s bodies sell cars, web services, magazines, movies, music, alcohol, and countless diet products. So my friend, the dietician, and I, the psychologist, who know better than to believe the messages, believe them anyway. It is maddening sometimes.
Why does this happen? For one thing, the cultural messages about perfect women and perfect bodies don’t stop. They keep coming, too fast and too numerous to mentally challenge each one. Second, they are some of the earliest and most reinforced messages that we learned. They seem to pop up automatically. And they are well-rehearsed.
So what do we do with them? Well, it’s not about erasing them. That is not a realistic proposition. It is about redirecting our attention to something more positive and more real about ourselves. I can remind myself that I am 50 years old — not 22 — and therefore I should not have the body of a 22 year old, nor should I be able to work out as hard as a 22 year old woman. That is reality. I can add to that that I do not have the personal trainer, the chef, the money, or the time to create a perfect body. On the positive message side, I can comfortably say that I am fit and strong, that I have a nice smile, that I am healthy, smart, and sometimes witty. I can look at specific parts of my body and sincerely say that I am satisfied with – or even like – them. I have a body that works well, moves easily, allows me to do the things I need to do, and lets me see, hear, touch, taste, smell, think about and interact with my environment. Just that is pretty miraculous.
The idea is that paying attention to these realities and reminding myself of them changes my energy because it changes my thoughts, and that makes me feel better. I am less tense, I can smile, I can stand up straight, I can breathe. Because my attention is no longer going toward rehearsing those old, berating messages, they naturally begin to lose their strength. Even at the neurological level this is happening, as the neurons associated with thoughts about my body become untangled from those that are associated with anxiety, unhappiness , and physical tension. So literally, different thoughts are creating different and new pathways in my brain that strengthen the positive reactions and weaken the negative ones.
Is this easy to do? No. It requires mental effort. It means first noticing the stories in our heads, seeing how they make us feel, and then redirecting our thoughts repeatedly and deliberately. Over and over again. And again. It’s easier to stay stuck in the negative beliefs and messages, for sure. But I’m tired of that, and perhaps you are, too. Plus, most of us have the old messages down — we don’t need any more rehearsal.
Try it as an experiment, and see if shifting your thoughts can shift your outlook.
